Been a great night with some harsh facts, and afterall these facts are just the same old facts that i've heard over and over again. I should be able to break through this situation yet i still think i m lacking of this little something which allow me that final push to break the situation. i know God is always there with me thru out i m so sure.... all thats left to b dealt with is the boldness that i've got from before has now left me n gone somewhere i couldn't find....

May be when ur younger you tend to fear nothing. I am not saying I am old, somehow this fear of loosing "something" had override everything else, went on top of me and i couldn control it.....

i cant afford to

its too important to me

i dont know how

this is just a silly thot, no i dont need to do this, its all fine. not as bad as i thot.

i cant imagine what i'll be like without

all these excuses .... just made me heavier and heavier every day. Hoping that it might disappear one day in fact im just lying to myself, ignoring God and of course i know, thats not the way out.

after all that i just thot, i really need some1 next to me to give me that push .... its such a small thing in life why does it seem so big? i thot to myself, i really need that someone to say to me

"You belong to me, not anyone else"

Where is that someone??

On the other hand, God is yelling from heaving saying the exact same words to me... why can't i see pass all earthly things and for once just listen to him??? ohh u man of little faith, in fact, ohh u woman of little faith. Yes God i believe, i believe u've got better things for me.... can I let me out?

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

Let me be like Abraham and Moses.... I WILL BREAK THROUGH!

dont actually know how 2 b me anymore.....its hard ...extremely tough ....i think i shud stop investing time

met with auntie this afternoon, shes a very intellectual person as always...she said, you shud go with your feelings ... you cant neglect it because it represents a snap shot of u at a specific moment in time and that is how u feel, u cant really deny..... she also said that y its good to keep a journal of our feelings ... so we would be able to express ourselves in a more open way to people. with the way how chinese think, there are always right and wrong with feelings, in fact, its all neutral, u cant really stop yourself from thinking about things, there shouldn't b no right or wrong.... ... feelings ... is really an intangible thing which only you and urself know about.... so b true to urself at times, its only u who knows what u want and how u want it....